Salary Request

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

• I do physical labour;
• I work at great depths;
• I plunge head first into everything I do;
• I do not get weekends off or public holidays;
• I work in a damp environment;
• I don't get paid overtime;
• I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation;
• I work in high temperatures;
• My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

• You do not work 8 hours straight;
• You fall asleep on the job after brief work period;
• You do not always follow the orders of the management team;
• You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas;
• You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working;
• You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift;
• You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing;
• You'll retire well before reaching 65;
• You're unable to work double shifts;
• You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.

Sincerely,

The Management

2005